dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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