Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
