I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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