if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
