I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
