So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
