you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
