so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
