Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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