break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
