Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
