I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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