lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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