ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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