I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
