If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
