Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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