he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i permit you to call me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
