That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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