Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
