did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
