There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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