we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
