My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
