I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
