Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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