thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
