JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
