How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
