Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
