she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
