I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
