im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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