nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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