Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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