if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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