I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
