I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
