You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
COCAINE IS GR8
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
