my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We just shotgunned beers for America
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
