I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
