she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
