i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize