Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
