dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
