tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
