Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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