i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
