this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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