why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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