He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
