i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
