I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
