Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
