once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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