I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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