Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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