she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
