wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
