At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
