So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
