I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
