Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
