I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
