it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude. I can hear the air.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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