Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
