we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
