I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
