Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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