if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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