it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
