It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
