just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
